I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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