Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
