Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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