I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
