k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
