white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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