come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
