At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
