wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The feeling are messing with the penis
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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