she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize