ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
