Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
