When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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