Kiss
Puke
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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