you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
