grandma shit on top of the toilet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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