dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
