her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
