I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
