So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
