Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
