i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
