ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize