What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
