dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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