I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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