you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
