Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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