Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
