Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
