Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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