If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
