Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
