My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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