don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
