What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
