Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
