I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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