(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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