It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
