I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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