I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
