we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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