my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As shirtless as possible
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
