So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Are we still banned from the library?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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