Whod you bang
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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