im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
