please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
jump out the window naked night went bad
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
