I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
