I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm both gender and math confused
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
