I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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