glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
