for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
