If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
