ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
