So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
