Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
