he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
