You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
