It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize