Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize