xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
whose parrot is this?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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