Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
honey bunches of taint.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
