if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is classic penis vs brain.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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