I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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