just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
