i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
