Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
how drunk are you?
Several
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
