You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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